Parents often worry about how their child can find safe support when they are on their own. It’s important to teach children with intellectual disability and autism spectrum disorder how to identify their ‘safe’ people and to help them understand the difference between a ‘safe’ person and a ‘tricky’ person.
You might be more used to the concept of ‘stranger danger’, but we now know that abuse is less likely to come from a stranger and more likely to come from someone you or your child has contact with and knows. This is why it’s important to teach children with intellectual disability and autism spectrum disorder to recognise when they feel uncomfortable or have a have a feeling that makes them want to say ‘no’. You can then work with your child to establish solid rules about interacting with others to keep them safe. Instead of stranger danger, you can support your child to recognise ‘tricky people’ and ‘safe people’.
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- ask your child to keep a secret
- make your child feel uncomfortable. For example, feeling sick in the tummy or worried without knowing why
- ignore other adults and only want to talk to your child
- try to give a lot of gifts or spend a lot of alone time with your child
- parents
- an older or adult sibling
- a paid support worker
- teachers
- doctors
- paramedic (ambulance driver)
- police
- People must ask your permission before touching you in any way. This includes hugs and kisses. Your child does not need to apologise or have a reason for not wanting to hug or kiss someone
- Everybody has private body parts that must be covered when you are in public. Check out the pages on Public And Private for more on this
- Make sure your child knows their full name along with the full names of their parents/ carers
- Your child should never go anywhere with someone they don’t know or take anything from someone they don’t know. Things like ordering takeaway or asking for something at the shops is different because you are requesting help from someone
- Your child should always check with their parents/carers before:
- changing plans without prior notice
- getting into a car (even if the driver is someone they know)
- accepting gifts (gifts should never be a secret)
- Your child does not have to be polite if they feel scared or uncomfortable
- Your child is allowed to say or sign NO to adults and other children
- No, Go, Tell: Teach your child to say or sign no, and to then go and tell their safe people
- Your child should never be asked to keep a secret. Secrets can make us feel scared and uneasy. If there is information your child must keep to themselves, like a party or a gift for another person, reframe this as a SURPRISE! No adult should ever ask your child to keep a secret.
- ask your child to keep a secret
- make your child feel uncomfortable. For example, feeling sick in the tummy or worried without knowing why
- ignore other adults and only want to talk to your child
- try to give a lot of gifts or spend a lot of alone time with your child
- parents
- an older or adult sibling
- a paid support worker
- teachers
- doctors
- paramedic (ambulance driver)
- police
- People must ask your permission before touching you in any way. This includes hugs and kisses. Your child does not need to apologise or have a reason for not wanting to hug or kiss someone
- Everybody has private body parts that must be covered when you are in public. Check out the pages on Public And Private for more on this
- Make sure your child knows their full name along with the full names of their parents/ carers
- Your child should never go anywhere with someone they don’t know or take anything from someone they don’t know. Things like ordering takeaway or asking for something at the shops is different because you are requesting help from someone
- Your child should always check with their parents/carers before:
- changing plans without prior notice
- getting into a car (even if the driver is someone they know)
- accepting gifts (gifts should never be a secret)
- Your child does not have to be polite if they feel scared or uncomfortable
- Your child is allowed to say or sign NO to adults and other children
- No, Go, Tell: Teach your child to say or sign no, and to then go and tell their safe people
- Your child should never be asked to keep a secret. Secrets can make us feel scared and uneasy. If there is information your child must keep to themselves, like a party or a gift for another person, reframe this as a SURPRISE! No adult should ever ask your child to keep a secret.
- ask your child to keep a secret
- make your child feel uncomfortable. For example, feeling sick in the tummy or worried without knowing why
- ignore other adults and only want to talk to your child
- try to give a lot of gifts or spend a lot of alone time with your child
- parents
- an older or adult sibling
- a paid support worker
- teachers
- doctors
- paramedic (ambulance driver)
- police
- People must ask your permission before touching you in any way. This includes hugs and kisses. Your child does not need to apologise or have a reason for not wanting to hug or kiss someone
- Everybody has private body parts that must be covered when you are in public. Check out the pages on Public And Private for more on this
- Make sure your child knows their full name along with the full names of their parents/ carers
- Your child should never go anywhere with someone they don’t know or take anything from someone they don’t know. Things like ordering takeaway or asking for something at the shops is different because you are requesting help from someone
- Your child should always check with their parents/carers before:
- changing plans without prior notice
- getting into a car (even if the driver is someone they know)
- accepting gifts (gifts should never be a secret)
- Your child does not have to be polite if they feel scared or uncomfortable
- Your child is allowed to say or sign NO to adults and other children
- No, Go, Tell: Teach your child to say or sign no, and to then go and tell their safe people
- Your child should never be asked to keep a secret. Secrets can make us feel scared and uneasy. If there is information your child must keep to themselves, like a party or a gift for another person, reframe this as a SURPRISE! No adult should ever ask your child to keep a secret.
- ask your child to keep a secret
- make your child feel uncomfortable. For example, feeling sick in the tummy or worried without knowing why
- ignore other adults and only want to talk to your child
- try to give a lot of gifts or spend a lot of alone time with your child
- parents
- an older or adult sibling
- a paid support worker
- teachers
- doctors
- paramedic (ambulance driver)
- police
- People must ask your permission before touching you in any way. This includes hugs and kisses. Your child does not need to apologise or have a reason for not wanting to hug or kiss someone
- Everybody has private body parts that must be covered when you are in public. Check out the pages on Public And Private for more on this
- Make sure your child knows their full name along with the full names of their parents/ carers
- Your child should never go anywhere with someone they don’t know or take anything from someone they don’t know. Things like ordering takeaway or asking for something at the shops is different because you are requesting help from someone
- Your child should always check with their parents/carers before:
- changing plans without prior notice
- getting into a car (even if the driver is someone they know)
- accepting gifts (gifts should never be a secret)
- Your child does not have to be polite if they feel scared or uncomfortable
- Your child is allowed to say or sign NO to adults and other children
- No, Go, Tell: Teach your child to say or sign no, and to then go and tell their safe people
- Your child should never be asked to keep a secret. Secrets can make us feel scared and uneasy. If there is information your child must keep to themselves, like a party or a gift for another person, reframe this as a SURPRISE! No adult should ever ask your child to keep a secret.