Changing expectations and relationships

As your child ages, they may want:

• more privacy. For example, when speaking to their friends or getting changed
• more time with friends and less time with family
• a boyfriend or girlfriend, or they may show an interest in dating and sexual relationships
• more independence

These are all normal things that many children want as they grow older and it is important that you are prepared for how to respond.

Some of the things your child wants may not be possible straight away. This might be because of your child’s age or their support needs. Some things they want cannot be guaranteed for anybody.

It is important to acknowledge your child’s desires, but it also important to be realistic. Don’t promise things that might not happen. Instead, work with them to come up with a plan for what needs to be achieved before it can happen. For example, you can’t promise your child they will find a friend, but the two of you could come up with a plan for where to meet new people who could become friends.

If your child has a particular relationship or independence goal, you can use this to motivate them to build their social skills and independence. You can work together to come up with a plan to achieve their goal.

For example, if your child says that they want to find a boyfriend but they struggle with maintaining good personal hygiene and dislike meeting new people, it will realistically be difficult for them to find a boyfriend. Instead, you could motivate them to improve their hygiene and conversational skills to maximise their chances of finding a boyfriend. If your child does not show an interest in these things, social skills and independent living skills should still be taught proactively to empower your child to be able to have healthy relationships in the future and be as independent as possible.