Children start touching and playing with their genitals from a very young age. At this stage children might touch their genitals simply because it feels nice and is a source of comfort. It is not connected to arousal or sexual pleasure. As children grow older, they might start touching their genitals for sexual pleasure and with the intent to orgasm.
Talking about masturbation
Masturbation is private
When is it OK for my child to start masturbating?
How much is too much?
Hygiene
Talking about masturbation can be embarrassing. Masturbation is a normal part of growing up, just like growing pubic hair or getting acne. Masturbation is a safe activity with practically no risks associated with it. There is no risk of sexually transmitted infections (STIs) or unplanned pregnancy from masturbating on your own. Masturbation can help a person to know what feels good for them and to become familiar with their private body parts.
It can be helpful to think about masturbation as something positive that helps your child to feel good and become comfortable with their bodies. If your child is familiar with how their private body parts look and feel, it can help them to notice if there are any changes that they might need to talk to a doctor about.
While masturbation is a normal part of growing up, there are some things that your child should learn to ensure that masturbation remains a safe and enjoyable practice for them and for other people around them.
Talking about masturbation
Masturbation is private
When is it OK for my child to start masturbating?
How much is too much?
Hygiene
Talking about masturbation can be embarrassing. Masturbation is a normal part of growing up, just like growing pubic hair or getting acne. Masturbation is a safe activity with practically no risks associated with it. There is no risk of sexually transmitted infections (STIs) or unplanned pregnancy from masturbating on your own. Masturbation can help a person to know what feels good for them and to become familiar with their private body parts.
It can be helpful to think about masturbation as something positive that helps your child to feel good and become comfortable with their bodies. If your child is familiar with how their private body parts look and feel, it can help them to notice if there are any changes that they might need to talk to a doctor about.
While masturbation is a normal part of growing up, there are some things that your child should learn to ensure that masturbation remains a safe and enjoyable practice for them and for other people around them.
Talking about masturbation
Talking about masturbation can be embarrassing. Masturbation is a normal part of growing up, just like growing pubic hair or getting acne. Masturbation is a safe activity with practically no risks associated with it. There is no risk of sexually transmitted infections (STIs) or unplanned pregnancy from masturbating on your own. Masturbation can help a person to know what feels good for them and to become familiar with their private body parts.
It can be helpful to think about masturbation as something positive that helps your child to feel good and become comfortable with their bodies. If your child is familiar with how their private body parts look and feel, it can help them to notice if there are any changes that they might need to talk to a doctor about.
While masturbation is a normal part of growing up, there are some things that your child should learn to ensure that masturbation remains a safe and enjoyable practice for them and for other people around them.
Masturbation is private
It is important for your child to understand that masturbation is a private behaviour that can only happen in a private place. This means in their bedroom or bathroom with the door closed. For this reason, it is important to encourage your children from a young age that any behaviours involving private body parts can only be done in a private place.
If your child shares a bedroom with a sibling, it may be helpful to give them ‘private time’ where they have the room to themselves for an allocated period of time. Work out what you are most comfortable with in your family.
Talking about masturbation is also private as it involves talking about private body parts and private behaviours. It is important to have conversations with your child about masturbation in a place that is private and where the conversation cannot be overhead by siblings or other people in the house. It can also be helpful to identify a couple of trusted people for your child to talk to if they have questions about masturbation.
Learning about private behaviours can help keep your child safe and improve their participation in their community. For more information on teaching your child about public and private behaviours go to private and public behaviours)
When is it OK for my child to start masturbating?
Different people start masturbating at different ages. Some may start around age 8 or 9, others start in their teens or early adult life, and some may never masturbate. All are completely normal. It’s up to each person to decide when or whether they want to masturbate or not.
Even if your child is not yet masturbating, it is still important to teach them about public and private behaviours. This will give them the foundation skills and knowledge they need if they start masturbating in the future.
How much is too much?
Some people masturbate daily, some only occasionally and others choose not to masturbate at all. Regular masturbation in a private place is OK. Masturbation is only considered “too much” if they start to irritate their skin, or it starts to interrupt their daily routine. For example, it might be “too much” if your child consistently chooses to masturbate instead of doing school work, spending time with friends and family, or other activities that they previously enjoyed.
If this is the case for your child, it can be helpful to look for underlying causes for your child’s increased masturbation. Is your child stressed or bored? Are there health issues that need to be addressed? For example, skin irritation. Addressing these underlying issues may help to decrease the amount your child is masturbating. It may also be helpful to add specific masturbation times into your child’s schedule. This can help to give your child more structure around when it is OK to masturbate.
Hygiene
While masturbation itself is not harmful, it is important to teach your child how to practice good hygiene after masturbating. This will help to keep their private body parts healthy. You can teach your child the following steps:
- Use a tissue to wipe your penis or vagina after masturbating
- Put clothes back on
- Put the tissues in the bin
- Wash hands with soap and water.
Talking about masturbation
Talking about masturbation can be embarrassing. Masturbation is a normal part of growing up, just like growing pubic hair or getting acne. Masturbation is a safe activity with practically no risks associated with it. There is no risk of sexually transmitted infections (STIs) or unplanned pregnancy from masturbating on your own. Masturbation can help a person to know what feels good for them and to become familiar with their private body parts.
It can be helpful to think about masturbation as something positive that helps your child to feel good and become comfortable with their bodies. If your child is familiar with how their private body parts look and feel, it can help them to notice if there are any changes that they might need to talk to a doctor about.
While masturbation is a normal part of growing up, there are some things that your child should learn to ensure that masturbation remains a safe and enjoyable practice for them and for other people around them.
Masturbation is private
It is important for your child to understand that masturbation is a private behaviour that can only happen in a private place. This means in their bedroom or bathroom with the door closed. For this reason, it is important to encourage your children from a young age that any behaviours involving private body parts can only be done in a private place.
If your child shares a bedroom with a sibling, it may be helpful to give them ‘private time’ where they have the room to themselves for an allocated period of time. Work out what you are most comfortable with in your family.
Talking about masturbation is also private as it involves talking about private body parts and private behaviours. It is important to have conversations with your child about masturbation in a place that is private and where the conversation cannot be overhead by siblings or other people in the house. It can also be helpful to identify a couple of trusted people for your child to talk to if they have questions about masturbation.
Learning about private behaviours can help keep your child safe and improve their participation in their community. For more information on teaching your child about public and private behaviours go to private and public behaviours)
When is it OK for my child to start masturbating?
Different people start masturbating at different ages. Some may start around age 8 or 9, others start in their teens or early adult life, and some may never masturbate. All are completely normal. It’s up to each person to decide when or whether they want to masturbate or not.
Even if your child is not yet masturbating, it is still important to teach them about public and private behaviours. This will give them the foundation skills and knowledge they need if they start masturbating in the future.
How much is too much?
Some people masturbate daily, some only occasionally and others choose not to masturbate at all. Regular masturbation in a private place is OK. Masturbation is only considered “too much” if they start to irritate their skin, or it starts to interrupt their daily routine. For example, it might be “too much” if your child consistently chooses to masturbate instead of doing school work, spending time with friends and family, or other activities that they previously enjoyed.
If this is the case for your child, it can be helpful to look for underlying causes for your child’s increased masturbation. Is your child stressed or bored? Are there health issues that need to be addressed? For example, skin irritation. Addressing these underlying issues may help to decrease the amount your child is masturbating. It may also be helpful to add specific masturbation times into your child’s schedule. This can help to give your child more structure around when it is OK to masturbate.
Hygiene
While masturbation itself is not harmful, it is important to teach your child how to practice good hygiene after masturbating. This will help to keep their private body parts healthy. You can teach your child the following steps:
- Use a tissue to wipe your penis or vagina after masturbating
- Put clothes back on
- Put the tissues in the bin
- Wash hands with soap and water.
Strategies for you to try
Identifying a private place
Signs are a useful way to help your child identify when they want private time to do private behaviours. You can create a “PRIVATE PLACE” sign for:- the toilet
- the bathroom
- your child’s bedroom
- make sure to knock on the door before entering
- always ask if you can enter the room
- set a time limit for private time so it does not overtake things like homework or time with family
Social stories
Use social stories like “About Masturbation” or “Things Ellie/Tom likes” to talk to your child about masturbation. These stories can help reinforce that masturbation is a normal but private behaviour that can only happen in a private place. They can also be used to remind your child to practice good hygiene after they have masturbated.Visual Schedules
Use images to create a visual schedule to help your child remember what they need to do before and after they masturbate. For example, a visual schedule can include pictures of a person:- Closing their bedroom door
- Closing the blinds on the window
- Taking their clothes off
- Masturbating
- Wiping their private body parts with a tissue
- Putting their clothes on
- Putting the tissue in the bin
- Washing their hands
Things Tom and Ellie Like
