Masturbation
Intermediate concepts

Masturbation

Children start touching and playing with their genitals from a very young age. At this stage children might touch their genitals simply because it feels nice and is a source of comfort.

Introduction

Children start touching and playing with their genitals from a very young age. At this stage children might touch their genitals simply because it feels nice and is a source of comfort. It is not connected to arousal or sexual pleasure. As children grow older, they might start touching their genitals for sexual pleasure and with the intent to orgasm.

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Strategies for you to try

Identifying a private place

Signs are a useful way to help your child identify when they want private time to do private behaviours. You can create a “PRIVATE PLACE” sign for:

the toilet
the bathroom
your child’s bedroom

Making a sign like this can empower your child to make decisions for themselves. It gives them the opportunity to practice giving and withdrawing consent as well as having their decisions listened to and respected. Your child can also have confidence that they will be able to enjoy private time safely without the fear of someone walking in. Some top tips for giving your child private space are:

make sure to knock on the door before entering
always ask if you can enter the room
set a time limit for private time so it does not overtake things like homework or time with family

If you are uncomfortable with your child closing their bedroom door and want them to keep the door ajar, you can still follow the above steps to help maintain their privacy.

Social stories

Use social stories like “About Masturbation” or “Things Ellie/Tom likes” to talk to your child about masturbation. These stories can help reinforce that masturbation is a normal but private behaviour that can only happen in a private place. They can also be used to remind your child to practice good hygiene after they have masturbated.

Visual Schedules

Use images to create a visual schedule to help your child remember what they need to do before and after they masturbate. For example, a visual schedule can include pictures of a person:

Closing their bedroom door
Closing the blinds on the window
Taking their clothes off
Masturbating
Wiping their private body parts with a tissue
Putting their clothes on
Putting the tissue in the bin
Washing their hands

Put private time into your child’s daily schedule

Allocating private time in your child’s day can help them to practice privacy and know when it is OK to do private behaviours, including masturbation. Your child could also choose to use their private time to do other things that they enjoy. By allowing your child to have private time, you are therefore supporting them to become more independent about how they want to spend their time.

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